Thursday, October 22, 2009

October 9, 2008

Tonight I stumbled across something I wrote a year ago.

Here it is.*


October 9, 2008

This time I am crying more. And I think it is because I know what I’m getting into. Not that this is about the dreary life of a new mother with the late night feedings and the diaper changes, although I am less fanciful about what it will mean to have a baby than I was the first time.

But the first time, I didn’t cry.

I cry now because I know how much I can love. I cried when I got the call that said “it worked.” I cried when I saw the little flickering heartbeat for the first time, and again two weeks later when I saw my olive sized baby wiggly around. The first time, if I cried – it was as much from relief as joy. Relief that I wasn’t infertile anymore. This time, as I watched that little gummy bear kick and wave on the ultrasound screen, I already loved her. Because of the first time, I know what it feels like to love her.

The first time, I looked forward to loving my child;, but it took awhile to move from loving the idea of a child to loving that child. This time I instantly love this specific child. My baby. Our baby.



*I did some editing - I had to. I had written "him" in a lot of places. So much for mothers intuition. And of course, I added the last word.


Crystal said...


jamerlou said...


Laura said...

I can relate to the "relief" part. This is beautiful. So is your baby Meggy-pie.

Laura said...

And cute dress ;)

Brent and Tracie said...

I can't believe what all those who choose to not be mothers are missing.

You definitely have two beautiful miracles.

indeazgirl said...

That's beautiful. And so are you two little girls.

Alyssa's Adventures said...

Remember when you wanted a cute, chubby baby? I think you hit the jackpot

Laura said...

I love your new header... Totally cute! (who took that picture? ;)

camfox said...

Meg is so darling.