Friday, January 11, 2008

The Truth

I am very very happy.

I know, shocking huh!

I say this in response to the people who ask, or who may be wondering "So, is this* what you expected." I am lucky enough to be able to enthusiastically say YES!

(*this being motherhood in general and stay-at-home (most of the time) motherhood specifically)

So what did I expect?

Well, I expected among other things,to have more responsibility for the housework. The reality, I don't do all that I should but I do way more than I ever have in the past and I feel much less resentment about having to do it. In fact I realized that I was happy while I was scrubbing the sink with AJAX. I don't think its possible to deny that you are happy if you feel so, while cleaning.

I expected to have times when I didn't get the things done I wanted because nap time happened a bit to early or a bit too late than I "planned." This happens, big deal, this is made a bit less of a hindrance because on the rare occasion I get to take a nap too, and a well rested Emily results in a happy Emily.

I expected to love my baby. And WOAH! do I. She is truly truly the sweetest thing I could imagine. Actually, I feel so much like she is meant to be mine that I can't remember what I expected her to be like "before" - I'm sure I had expectations that aren't echoed in reality, but I can't remember them because the reality of who Tessa is, is all I need.

I expected to be poor. And well, yes, that is true. Actually, its interesting that before we got pregnant we did a hypothetical budget of our life on one income and each time things worked out great. Then the one time we did this budget during my pregnancy suddenly we realized - We WON'T have enough money. This was accompanied by the requisite freak out, but as things have settled we have been blessed with little things here and there that "make the ends meet." I guess this is how life works, but it is still amazing!

I expected to have to work a few hours a week. And I hoped to enjoy it. So of course I have been pleased to find that in fact the job I have seems perfectly suited to my place in life. (And yes, I should be doing stuff for that right now instead of blogging...) I'm particularly happy that I can walk to my office, and often do with Tessa in tow; that I get to work with very intelligent, accomplished people; that I feel at least most of the time, like I know what is going on; that I have a good babysitter for the few hours a week that I need her; that when I need to bring her Tessa is welcome to come along with me; and that just at the point in life when I thought my "career" was over I am doing something that keeps me relevant.

Oh yes, and Aaron. Aaron is a good person. I think that covers much of what I love about him. He is a good husband and a good father. He is sincere about his feelings (in a manly way of course ;) ). I have fun with him, I LOVE talking to him about things. I also love watching a funny show with him because his laugh makes me laugh. Okay, I'm not going to go on because it would get embarrassingly mushy, not embarrassing for me, but for him and for you.

There are other things that make me happy. And, to be honest, there are many many things that I need to improve about myself, but I'm not going to sit around and be sad because things aren't how they "should" be.

And now, I'm going to get up and clean the kitchen ... jealous?


jamerlou said...

I'm glad you've found motherhood to be a happy experience. If I can keep Maxine and Jack from bugging each other, we do great! I'm off to make pancakes! I used to make a big breakfast on Sunday mornings but 9:00 church has made that a lot harder. Saturdays are my new big breakfast day.

indeazgirl said...

I love this post. I like the stuff about Aaron. I don't think it's mushy. I think it's great. And I think you love great stuff about him and being with him.
And I'm so glad you love your life and are happy.
I don't know exactly where you work outside, though. Who are you working with?